Quilting as a Means of Mental Processing
I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about quilting that makes me worry less. Something about the physical act of keeping my forebrain preoccupied with repetitive, “menial” tasks such as making 235 half-square-triangles allows some deeper part of my subconscious to process uncomfortable problems. I’m typically the type to “attack” (I prefer the less violent use of the word “proactive”) problems head-on, but when I’m off, in a funk or episode, or just dealing with something emotionally painful, I am stumped. I pride myself on my curiosity and ability to use my mind to get me out of most problems with the help of creativity and research, but when I am stuck, I am stuck.
Quilting (specifically piecing) is what I do to get through these ugly times. The problem will still be there to deal with when I am done, but it doesn’t seem insurmountable anymore. I have learned that I am an “empath” - as much as I hate jumping onto the next fad cliche - and just feel things deeply. Growing up, this was not an acceptable trait to have. The term “over-sensitive” comes to mind bringing all the icky feelings of being told there is something wrong with feeling how you feel to make the situation more palatable to the speaker (ie. gas-lighting). I’m learning it is not the feeling that can be wrong, but your control over your reaction to those feelings, and that maturity is your grace in actually communicating those feelings despite the vulnerability it opens you up to.
Unfortunately, we now live in a world where self-moderation is no longer a virtue and people find themselves in the privacy of the world wide web. We all know the awkwardness of seeing someones raw emotion spill onto the thread of comments before the writer has had a moment to actually process those feelings. What makes matters worse, is that reading quality work written in drafts, with reflection and planning, is no longer encouraged. I believe this sort of “anti-intellectualism” has seriously damaged our ability to express ourselves in good faith. Even promoting reading seems to have become controversial, privileged and elitist. Imagine a world where instead of relying on emojis, we just endeavored to use proper grammar in our comments, let alone having the discipline or the wherewithal to reread our posts and comments before hitting the too easy “post” or “send” button. (Don’t worry, I see the irony as I’m sure there’s plenty to pick apart in my writing style here, but at least I’m working to improve it). The truly frustrating bit is that even if you do your best effort to write well, the critical analysis of writing has gone from working to understand the meaning, to just rejecting it and its intention. I learned while teaching that the responsibility of communication lies with the author, not the reader, but I think this has led to a serious problem in a world that communicates instantly via text on social media. The irony is we are probably - character for character - writing more that we ever have, but our writing is only getting “worse”. Is there a “worse” in writing? I’m sure a linguist would argue not, but maybe I’m just hitting a line in the sand as I approach my 35th birthday. I’m I just getting old an crabby or maturing? Right now with all the matrescence (ugh) I have going on, I just feel like I’m in a regression to angsty teenage years. Maybe some black t-shirts and pyramid studs would be comforting. I have rediscovered the joy of denim pants again. I can even see my insecurities on screen with all the quotation marks I have around words that I mean to say, but dread the controversy they bring.
Alright, where am I going with this? Back to quilting. One of the uncomfortables I’ve been dealing with is the cancer diagnosis of a close family member who was raised as a sort of bonus sister to me. Her justified need to turn inward has made me uneasy with the insecurity of losing my sounding board not only temporarily as she seeks treatment, but permanently as I realize I have hit the age where people close to me (and even more frightening, close to my age) are being diagnosed with cancer. It’s not that I fear it so much that I could be diagnosed with it - I realize a major folly in my self-awareness - but that this is more change in where I am as a person. Again, I am brought back to the discomfort of early adulthood when it seemed like every year some acquaintance from high-school died a tragic, unexpected death. It’s a hard lesson that you aren’t taught to expect, but I see it play out with younger friends and cousins on newsfeeds over and over again.
The diagnosis of several, and I mean several individuals close to me (and the meeting of even more affected or afflicted by), with cancer has led me to a lot of “cancer quilting” (ignore the quotations there; I can’t bring myself to take them out). With my background in biology, I can’t get on the #fuckcancer bandwagon, or any other personification of the disease as motivation for action. Cancer isn’t a separate entity. In fact, it’s that it isn’t which makes it such a difficult problem to solve. Cancer is the uncontrolled growth of your own body’s cells. Granted, they are mutated cells, but so are all of our cells. These are just cells that happened to mutate in an unfortunate location in the DNA of a cell. Typically it’s a mutation that either increases the speed of the cell’s proliferation (when has proliferation ever been such a negative term?) - i.e. the mitotic phase of the cell cycle - or damaged and inhibited the natural mechanisms to halt cell growth that our ancestors have passed down to us. The problem with cancer is that we are trying to fight ourselves - so our body doesn’t recognize these “bad” or “sick” cells as dangerous. Anyone with an autoimmune disorder knows the problems caused by and the power of an immune system turned against its master. If the matter was just killing the cancer cells, it would be easy. It is killing them without killing the patient which is difficult. Furthermore, every type of cancer is its own animal with its own causes and until we have some kind of unified theory of cancer, each has to be treated as such. This evolutionary constraint (i.e., kill my cells without killing me) is why chemo and radiation are such miserable processes to go through. They are killing the cancer cells, but inevitably there will be healthy-cell casualties.
My struggle is there’s little I can do to stop this from happening to my relative. There are armies of scientists and millions (billions?) in funds going after this problem. All I can do is “support” which is a pretty ambiguous concept when it comes time to practice. There’s no out-thinking, out-working, out-researching this problem. Thus, I have hit a stump in my problem-solving which is an uncomfortable place for me to be.
This is how I came to making “Cancer Quilts”. For full transparency, all those I have made so far have been some variation of the Missouri Star Easy Ribbon Quilt Pattern that I’ve adjusted to meet my esthetics. I could try to make the arguments that they are great for using up scraps (scrap organization to facilitate scrap usage has been a recent soap box of mine) and that it’s quick and easy, but in reality, there’s nothing “fun” about making these quilts. It’s me working through a process and trying to materialize my feelings and support of someone dealing with the struggle of fighting one’s own body - our original and most loyal supporter. Again, I could argue that it’s great for “keeping warm during chemo treatments” blah.. blah.. blah, but that’s not the point for me. The point for me is just an expression of care. I care that this is happening to you, and here is a symbol of that care. When deciding what to write on a cancer quilt’s label, I just land at “thinking of you”, because it’s the most honest reality. I am thinking of that person a lot, especially while making those HSTs (there are no actual HSTs in this pattern by the way; it’s mostly snowballing 5” squares and some sashing with cornerstones). This is the reason I encourage supporters of someone going through treatment to make something for their person - it’s a gift of time and love which is really our most valuable offering (that and maybe some help with medical bills, but that’s for another, much more controversial post). I’m going to invent a new word: “quiltoversial” - the state of being a controversial or taboo topic of discussion in the quilting community (yes, these exist - remember people, it’s just a hobby).
I made her the quilt below using pink batiks. There’s my true sacrifice, being forced to use a pastel color which I generally abhor and avoid - hence the darker, bolder pieces. (Picking out these fabrics was itself quiltroversial as I had to stand up for my choices against a LQS (local quilt shop) employee whose, to be fair, opinion I DID ask. I was terrified to wash it the first time as I’ve had bad things happen when reds were next to whites, but to my surprise, nothing adverse happened! There was the normal smell of sheep as I like to use wool batting in the quilts I make (quiltroversy), but that fades with time and washes.
I’m officially counting this as my first “craft” for the Susan G. Komen Craft Challenge for breast cancer research. You can donate to my fundraiser here which is sadly stalled out. If at the end of the month It would certainly be a lot cheaper for me to just donate the money, but that’s cheating I suppose.
I use a Viking Topaz 50 to make my quilt labels. I force myself to label all my quilts as a sort of documentation. Who knows where these quilts will end up one day. I prefer to make a triangular label which sits on a bottom corner of the quilt. Two sides of the triangle are machine sewn to the quilt before binding and the hypotenuse is stitched down with hand stitching that travels through the layers of the label (think of the triangle as a square folded diagonally in half) and “nips” the backing before going back into the label to travel again. Ideally, I would place a stitch every 1/8” or so, but in reality I usually am closer to 1/4”. I also use this technique for hand/traditional applique and hand binding. Always match the thread to the label/binding/applique layer, not the backing layer which happens to be the same in this instance. In case you’re wondering, the “flat to back” label is so I remember which direction to place the needle as I have other machines which require them to be inserted differently.
I used an edge-2-edge pattern from Urban Elementz (named Ribbon something or other?) to quilt this piece. The pattern is meant to lay the ribbons horizontally, but I think next time I may try to rotate them (or the quilt) so they are vertical. I used a light pink (Cotton Candy Glide 60) thread to not overly distract from the piecing on the front. 99% of my quilts are made with natural fibers, as I am concerned about microplastics in our environment, with the exception of the quilting thread. Glide has relatively no lint compared to cotton threads, which protects the longevity of the longarm and reduces the amount of time I have to spend cleaning the bobbin area while working. This pattern is my “go-to” for the cancer quilts.I am hoping to branch out from just cancer awareness quilts to other causes such as dementia which is near and dear to my heart. The backing is a Moda Grunge (Duchess Pink, I think?) which is why it looks blotchy in this picture. I love the texture grunge gives to a monochromatic fabric although it’s not always particularly photogenic.
I find I hand stitch the binding (machine front, hand back) on about half my quilts. For baby and donation quilts, I typically machine stitch (machine back folded over to front with a faux-flange) the binding on because it’s more durable and faster even accounting for the extra time required to make the binding. If a quilt is sentimental, or for myself, I will typically hand stitch it on as I find it relaxing to do (yes, weird, I know), but don’t always have the time. Thank god my nails were clean in this picture or I’d be too embarrassed to post it.
I was lucky enough to finish this quilt while on retreat with The Nampa Modern Quilt Guild at the Trinity Pines conference center in Cascade, ID. This was the first official retreat put on by NMQG and I was really excited to be able to attend and sew uninterrupted (for the most part). You see I am displaying my favorite leggings to wear while camping (or “glamping”) and the t-shirt from QuiltCon 2022 which I loved so much that I bought three - one for me, one for my husband, Blake, and one for my Mother-in-Law.
I plan to send out the quilt soon and have bought a magnetic gift box to package it in. They are my favorite to use for gifting a special quilt. I fold the quilt backing-out with the label facing up when opened. This way the recipient can read the message (like you otherwise would with a card) and doesn’t miss it before unfolding the surprise of the pattern of the piecing. The label is important to me, not just for posterity, but also to communicate my feelings without having to verbalize them in front of the person. Everyone always appreciates a label on their quilt, so force yourself to make one. I do so by making the label before I even do the quilting. I also make the binding before doing the quilting and place it with the label in the project box. That way I’m less tempted to forego the labeling or put off finishing the project.
I meant to get a photo of how I lay the quilt in the box to have the label exposed, but in my excitement to get this packed up, forgot. I don’t usually put a “ribbon” on the boxes, but this one needs to be shipped across the country. I like to use leftover 2.5” strips of fabric as ribbons on gifts - they are easier to tie and just make it a little more unique. The nice thing about these boxes is that they not only make for easy quilt wrapping, but also give the recipient a pretty way to store the quilt if they don’t put it out. Ideally, these boxes are acid-free, but if you are concerned, you may want to check. I get them from Joann Fabrics and T.J. Maxx. They aren’t usually available in huge supply, so if you find one you like, it may be worth it to purchase and save for later (something I don’t typically recommend, but this is a special case).
Thank you to those who have made it to the bottom of this post. I tend to write long, but relatively infrequent, posts. I’m trying to get in the habit of shorter, more regular writing, but all things are a work-in-progress.
This week we are having our first live video on Facebook. We are holding an event to sell our hand-painted Malaysian batiks imported by Turtle Hand Batiks. I like working with this company as the products are unique, beautiful, and of high quality. Additionally, it’s a small, women-owned business that demonstrates fair-trade practices which is a difficult thing to do when wanting to build a financially sustainable business. I believe that informed consumerism is one of our greatest means of influence on the world, so want to keep being able to offer these products. I invite you all to join the event, if nothing else just to see the beautiful pieces on display - you won’t ever see them again; they are one-of-a-kind. You can RSVP to the event on our our Facebook page. Please also consider liking and following and signing up for our newsletter series; you’ll receive a discount code for 20% off your cart as a thank you.
Happy Fall Ya’ll,
Danielle